(Now this is REALLY corny . . . but has more than a few actual occurences in it!)
Jes' two nights afore 'twas Chris'mas,
The ranch was in a big to-do.
The foreman hadn't got no tree
Becuz he'd had the flu!
The cook wuz baking goodies up;
They all had gifts to wrap . . .
The foreman sniffled, "Whut I need
Right now is jist a nap!
So they all climbed in the pickup
Fer to git a Chris'mas tree . . .
Which took a while, 'cuz it became
A snowball-throwin' spree.
At last the foreman shouted out,
"Ya' squirrelly bunch o' nuts!
Jist cut that cedar by the truck,
Afore I kick yer butts!
Back at the ranch, they took the tree
In through the kitchen door,
Which left a trail o' snow and muck
On Cookie's fresh-mopped floor.
They gussied up the tree---and then
Discovered somethin' shockin':
Some mice had chewed a bunch o' holes
In all their Chris'mas stockin's!
So then they hung their long-johns up
All 'round the fireplace,
In hopes that Santy had enough
To fill the extry space.
They wuz shure things would git better
When they climbed into their bunks,
Or life was gonna be like
Roundin' up a herd o' skunks!
The foreman lay there, ponderin';
Jes' lookin' at the moon.
He wondered if them "sugarplums"
Wuz candy-coated prunes....
He didn't rest too well that night,
And had the weirdest dream;
Then got woke up with jangled nerves,
Becuz sumbody screamed!
"BE CAR'FUL, JAKE!" ol' Bert had yelled.
The foreman heard a clatter.
Then jes' outside his winder pane,
He saw a shakin' ladder.
Jake wuz stringin' Chris'mas lights
On all the eaves 'n' gutters;
He'd done the porch 'n' railin's too,
And all the winder shutters!
Now when he got the cords plugged in,
Not one danged light wuz lit!
They scrounged around fer extry bulbs,
But nary one would fit!
They climbed up in the truck ag'in,
And off to town they rushed . . .
But when they see'd the crowds, they said
"Well ain't this trip a bust!"
They searched thru ev'ry store in town
Before they found some lights
To mend the bunkhouse trimmin's up,
And put the place to rights.
(Ol' Bert had found a speshul gift
He thought would be a gas
To hang up on the trophy wall:
Billy the Braggin' Bass!)
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